embodiedliving

Clean Up Your Environment the Easy Way

Because I love the physics of energy, I have been working with the phenomenon of the  "field" in my coaching practice.  Most of us think of the space between us as empty.  In fact it is filled with energetic activity that we cannot see, but that we can feel.

Have you been in a breathtakingly beautiful place, where the air seems so clear and pure that it is almost like a crystal?  Did you "feel" energized and inspired?  And, have you ever been around people who you thought were unsafe and felt as if there was a "slimy" feel in the air?  Or experienced a "heavy" feel in a funeral home or a place where there is a lot of grief?

Our environments have powerful effects on our bodies and minds.  I find that feeling gratitude is a potent transformer of our space.  Heartmath offers a 5-10 minute meditation that can dissipate the negative emotional density cloud that surrounds our earth.

To help transform the mental and emotional density cloud that surrounds the earth, do the following:

1. Imagine radiating love and care from the heart into the density and seeing it dissipate, the way the sun dissipates clouds.

   (You can imagine that your heart is like the sun streaming gold light into the density cloud. For some people, this adds more texture to the experience, but it’s not necessary for effectiveness. It’s the feeling of genuine care that counts.)

2. Close with a few minutes of seeing the planet in a coherent state, experiencing peace, harmony and heart-based connection. (It can be helpful to add this to the end of any technique.)

Remembering Our Song

This is a reprint of the feature article from my May newsletter.

Trance Music

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. —Alan Cohen

 

Have you noticed the contrasting images that surfaced in the media this last month? On the one hand, Susan Boyle captured the hearts of the world by opening her mouth and sharing her beautiful voice with all of us—even after we judged and laughed at her. On the other hand, we’ve been swamped with photos of people wearing masks over their mouths to protect against the outbreak of swine flu. These photos are metaphors for the way that fear “masks” our voice and self-expression.

I first watched Susan Boyle with curiosity. As she talked backstage before the show, she seemed an odd mix of childlike openness and old-fashioned British countryside. But as she walked out on stage and began talking, my whole body began to constrict. The judges and the audience members rolled their eyes, sneered and laughed—at her age, her clothing, her hip-shaking responses to their questions. I felt pure dread in my stomach when I heard her say she wanted to be like Elaine Page, the first lady of British musical theater. I found that I projected my own fear of failure and rejection outward in anger toward the judges and audience (I love defending the underdog).

Then when Susan began to sing in her deep, resonant voice, a sense of awe and wonder rose from a deep place inside of me—a place even deeper than the fear place. I felt so genuinely moved in that moment. My fears transformed to an almost ecstatic delight. My heart stirred and my body felt the vibration of her song. I was resonating with Susan, hanging on each note. She could have been Godzilla and it would not have mattered. In sharing her song, she looked and felt beautiful to me.

And I was not the only one. The audience was moved to tears. The judges could not stop talking about their own surprise and thrill. The feeling in the room was one of truth and love, not fear. Susan Boyle’s song had the power to move us all past our fears and judgments to the place where our own dreams live.

We all have a dream, whether we are aware of it or not. We were each born with a “heart’s desire,” and it is up to us to express that desire while we are here. This is our legacy to ourselves and the world.

How do we connect to that legacy?

First by connecting to our own unique song.

Ancient traditions, and some contemporary ones, teach that each living being has their own song. Through the vibration of these songs, there is a way to communicate beyond words, to respond to the resonance of the essence of that being.

In his book Wisdom of the Heart, Alan Cohen describes this phenomenon in an African tribe. Before birth, a child’s song is discovered by the women in the community. It is sung to the child at birth, and at all life and death passages. When a person commits a crime, the village gathers in a circle and sings that person’s song. “The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.”

When our “masks” of fear show up, often in the form of judgments, projections, or (as Amanda noted on Britain’s Got Talent) cynicism, our true song cannot be heard.

Susan Boyle’s song demonstrated freedom from fear, freedom from masks. By just being who she was, she took us beyond our masks, our judgments and labels and biases, to our deepest feelings and essences. To where we felt a universal connection to humanity. 

So how do we let go of our masks on our own terms?

Name them as you discover them. Don’t shove them back into the cave, but sit with them at the campfire and discover their story. Accept them and see them for their true size, not as a looming shadow in the dark.

Feel the feelings that come up. Notice especially the uncomfortable sensations in your body. Tune in. Inside each of us, there is a whole world of priceless information just waiting to be recognized, heard and felt. By acknowledging your feelings, you give them permission to soften. Until you acknowledge them, they will scream and crash to get your attention.

As the masks begin to fall away, notice what wants to come through you. What gives you the deepest pleasure, stops time, brings you alive? What are your gifts, talents and treasures? Spend some time remembering and also inviting forgotten passions back into your life. Literally write down your dreams, so your unconscious can assist you in the process of reclaiming your song.

This is your path to conscious awakening. Our treasures are in our gifts and our songs, not in our possessions, acquisitions, or external recognition. And the paradox is that when you value your own song, it will magnetize others to do the same. Your song will actually radiate energy out from you, in the same way that your heroes—whether the Dalai Lama, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama or Susan Boyle—radiate fields of energy that magnetize you.

As J.K. Rowling, quoting Plutarch, said in her commencement address at Harvard last year, "What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality. We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves.”

Life does not need to be hard. That is the old tape. We are not here to suffer, to resist, to strive, to survive. We are here to thrive, to sing our songs, to play from our passion, to taste the fruit of knowing. The only “sin” is our cynicism. We can sing our own songs and those of our friends, family and community. And the world will applaud.

References

Alan Cohen, Wisdom of the Heart, (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2002)

J.K. Rowling, 2008 commencement speech at Harvard, http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/2008/6/5/entire-text-of-j-k-rowling-harvard-commencement-speech-now-online, accessed May 3, 2009

Guest Blogger: Clare Myatt-- The Path to Mastery

Clare Myatt is insatiably curious about what makes us inspired, empowered and satisfied in life. She is a dear friend who I met in somatic coach training. She also has a degree in law! Clare now lives in Britain with her husband.  Partnering with her clients to reveal their dreams and aspirations, Clare uses a compassionate yet practical approach to help shift insight into action through collaborative design of embodiment practices. She works with executives in need of the soft "EQ" skills, singles and couples to enhance their relationship skills, somatic students for supervision and anyone invested in self-development and possibility. Clare has degrees in law and psychology, is licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist in California, certified as a Master Somatic Coach and member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

Ever have those days when, having tried to get a smidge too much done before leaving the house, the consequence is the strong possibility of being either right on time or a couple of minutes late for an appointment?  Well, I had one of those days last week.  And with it came a great lesson, made up of a series of minor irritations that at the time did not feel like a great lesson in the making.

The first irritation came in the shape of traffic light controlled roadworks letting through three or four cars at a time; the second a tractor which had three miles to traverse at a snail’s pace on a road where no overtaking was possible; the third a learner driver under instruction.  Of them all, the third, a young, tentative learner driver was probably my greatest teacher.  As he kangaroo’d along, attempting to master that difficult balance of clutch and accelerator control, I remembered to take a very deep breath, let go the outcome of potential lateness, and pay attention to the here and now.  The beautiful pink spring blossoms of the trees and hedgerows, the dainty bluebells appearing here and there along the verges, the white billowy clouds scudding across a bright blue sky.  Oh, what a beautiful day I had been missing amidst my hurry and intolerance.

Several deep breaths later, I began to pay attention to the trials and tribulations of the learner driver ahead and cast my mind back to those intense times, all those years ago, when every single minute behind the wheel of a car took intense concentration and focus.  What a difference several decades has made.  No longer do I have to focus on synchronizing the clutch and accelerator, pay much more than cursory attention to traffic, checking mirrors, indicating, pulling out to overtake, indicating and pulling over again.

Such is the path to mastery.  What a great reminder.  Whenever I take on a new practice - lately it’s been walking with a balanced gait after knee surgery - I am reminded of how clumsy we feel with something new and how it’s only practice that embeds habits and routines into the body.  I’m using a new phrase these days, one I picked up from a conversation with a retired psychiatrist who in turn heard it from his tennis coach.  “Practice makes permanent.”  I’ve always heard “practice makes perfect” but this new rendition makes much more sense to me.  As I sit and watch people walk, interact, eat, drink coffee – whatever they do – there’s a certain way in which who they are shows up in all they do.  In other words, whatever they’ve been practicing has become permanent in their structure.

 So the new question for myself and for my clients is this – what are you practicing?  If practice makes permanent, then be careful what you practice! 

 

When We Walk into Our Fear, It Disappears

Flickr Photo

It is amazing what we will do to avoid discomfort.  When I have feelings of fear, I manage to avoid feeling them by staying busy, going for a run (yes, even those "healthy habits" can be distractions), talking on the phone, eating something sweet......

When I take the time to go into my body and notice the sensations of that feeling, choosing to be present and open, something amazing happens.  My presence, acceptance and love shifts the energy and the fear or discomfort lightens.  Sometimes it disappears altogether.  Eckart Tolle talks about this phenomenon of the "power of now" in his books.  If you have not yet read A New Earth, order it today.

I am including a poem in this post by David Whyte, one of my favorite poets. The poem speaks to this topic eloquently.

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE

Imagine my surprise,
sitting a full hour
in silent and irremediable
fear of the world,

to find the body
forgetting
its own fear the instant
it opened and placed
its unassuming hands
on life's enduring pain,

and the world for one
moment
closed its terrifying eyes
in gratitude,

Saying,
"This is my body, I am found."

David Whyte

WASSA In Hawaii

 

  I just returned from a week of African Dance with WASSA Dance on the Big Island of Hawaii. We danced at Kalani Oceanside Retreat Center on the southeast side, close to the volcano. We drove down the road for a short walk to the viewpoint where we saw the lava flowing, steaming and sparking at night.

When I arrived on the island and before I left, I stayed near the City of Refuge--the most sacred spot on the island.  This photo gives a glimpse of the spot, known as Pu'uhonau o Honauanau.  Fabulous snorkeling, it is an exquisite place where the lava juts out into the water, containing small pools of water that offer the sea turtles places to nest and feed. My last day there, I ventured out to the edge of the lava shelf early in the morning. I had asked the whales to come during my trip, and had always just missed them.    As I sat there, I heard a low sound in the bay to my right.  I looked up and there were two humpback whales, a mother and her calf.  They swam over to the water just in front of me (30 to 50 feet from me) and played for hours, flapping their white tales, blowing water, flipping upside down and in circles, and carving the sea with their large curved bodies. In addition to their low sounds, they made the most beautiful singing sound.  I sang back, uttering "Mahalo," (thankyou) over and over.

This was a perfect ending to a week of daily dancing, communing and relaxing at Kalani. As Lara McIntosh (Wassa) wove her magic each day to the beat of inspiring world music, we followed in a state of kinesthetic bliss.  The floor became sand under our feet as we felt each step move through our feet and up into our bodies.  Our bellys became sea stars and jellyfish, our pelvises, bowls.  Lara's colorful and imaginative images connected us to our bodies in new and profound ways.  The music connected us to each other and the luscious, colorful environment.
 Now I understand why her students come back year after year. This is an experience that lives in each of us, that we bring back, wrapped in the spirit of Aloha. There is a law on the books of Hawaii, defining Aloha.  In part, it states, "The Aloha Spirit is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the Self. Each person must think and emote good feelings to others. In the contemplation and presence of the life force, Aloha, the following unuhi laulâ loa (free translation) may be used:

• Akahai, meaning kindness to be expressed with tenderness;
• Lôkahi, meaning unity, to be expressed with harmony;
• `Olu`olu, meaning agreeable, to be expressed with pleasantness;
• Ha`aha`a, meaning humility, to be expressed with modesty;
• Ahonui, meaning patience, to be expressed with perseverance."

Five Ways to Say No Without Losing the Connection

I wanna say NO

I no longer practice law, yet I recall that I had to say no to clients and adversaries all day every day. Then of course, when I had children, I found myself saying no again-and it often felt similar to my days practicing law.
When my kids hit middle school, I remember going to a talk by a local psychologist, Laura Kastner and having a big AH HA.  She said that to sustain our intimate relationships, we needed to be saying five Yeses to every one No.  We all looked guiltily at each other, realizing that we did just the opposite.

Saying No is an art. A wonderful tool that I learned in my somatic training is to maintain connection, even as you say No or create a boundary.  Here are some time tested tips for saying no without creating resistance, while maintaining connection:
1. Stay energetically connected to the person you are saying "No" to by maintaining a heart and gut connection.  Stay in eye contact facing the person, open and vulnerable. 
2. Adopt the perspective that you are not being defensive, rather you are taking a stand for yourself or your belief in the situation. I open the palms of my hands toward the person as a reminder of this.
3. Before saying No, place yourself in the shoes of the other person.  Empathize and have deep compassion for his/her needs that underlay whatever position is taken. Acknowledge those needs.
4. After acknowledging the needs, concerns of the other, gently direct the flow of energy to your own boundary, without guilt or shame.  State your boundary and do not make excuses. 
5. Before leaving, once again acknowledge the other person and let them know what is possible.

Our Bodies Hold Our Stories

Foot Reflexology

I had a massage today from my favorite masseuse/energy worker, Beth Burke.  (She is listed as a resource on my website.)  My sessions with Beth are always magical.  She arrives at the door simply glowing, welcoming her clients with a smile and a hug. She tunes into your body and your energy on every level, from the cells, to the energy body, to all of the physical.  She is so very present that you feel surrounded by her warmth and light.

In working with Beth, I am able to connect the underlying emotional issues to what is showing up in my body.  Tight shoulder-what have I been shouldering? Stiff neck-what is a pain in the neck for me? Imbalance on the left and right sides-how are the feminine and masculine sides of my body/psyche imbalanced? All of my stories show up in my body. Today, she did some reflexology on my right foot and it cramped up in the meridian spot that connects to my neck-where I have had a constriction for the last year. When I connect the stories to my aches and pains, healing happens much more quickly, and awareness grows into consciousness.  It is not just body work--it is an adventure into the heart and the soul.

Catching A Wave

Having just returned from Sayulita, Mexico, I was inspired by the surfers who dot the ocean waves there. Surfing is different from many sports because the waves are moving targets.  Seems like a great metaphor for life and work!

So how do they "catch a wave?"  The expression itself is apt--it describes moving with the energy of the wave, perfectly timed, and responding as you move to the water, the wind, the tide.

An art form, yet there are certain skills that I observed that might be useful in any venture. 

The surfers become familiar with the environment, sensitized to how the waves are moving, the size and shape of the waves, the wind, the other surfers.  This requires use of all of their senses and patient, persistent observation and awareness.  Second, they learn from experience how to "join" the wave--move into its flow so they are riding the surf.  Risk taking is key here-practicing over and over until the "feel" of moving with the wave is embodied.  Quickly, the surfers learn that resistance gets you a mouthful of salty water.  Timing is everything-if you are not in the moment and willing to act, you will miss the opportunity.  And of course, my favorite--a surfer must be centered and connected to his/her core to stay on the board and to stand up and balance.  Intention and constantly adjusting movement seem to be the key to a long ride along the crest of a wave.   When it happens, it is a thing of beauty....

Any surfers out there who can give us some tips?

The Whole of You

I am often asked what Embodied Living means.   One of my clients expressed it well when she said, "The whole of me is so much more effective and satisfying than the head of me." 

Imagine that you are on a journey through uncharted territory.  You have a map, but it is not detailed.  Because you want to find your way, you bring a compass and a dog with you.  And perhaps you learn celestial navigation as another handy tool.  You might find someone local to be a guide as well.  Embodied Living is like that.  We are all on a path toward our own wholeness.  Some choose to call this a path toward their purpose or expressing who they are in the world.  Others might call it ascending consciousness.  Whatever you call it, it is your journey and it will be easier if you prepare and bring along the tools to find your way.  Or you can choose to be unprepared and accept the consequences of getting lost at every turn.

What are those tools?  In my work with clients, we notice everything.   If there is a feeling, we explore where and how that feeling is expressed in the body, in the sensations, through our gestures, in our inner voices and parts.  One thing leads to another and soon the client finds that he/she has awareness at many levels, not just one or several.  A feeling may lead to a young part, leading to knowing and healing that part, in turn leading to healing the family dynamics that fueled the reaction of the part.  The client may see that the part lives in a particular place in the body where physical symptoms have resided that are now available for recognition and release.  That release may lead to an awareness of untapped resources such as inner power or creativity.

The journeys with my clients are true adventures.  We discover lost treasures, meet dark, shadowy figures in caves, encounter a multitude of diverse characters, are swept away with the beauty of landscapes as they come into sharp focus,  and are blinded by the light of the inner essence, just to mention a few.

Curious?  I invite you to engage with your own curiosity about everything that you encounter, inside and out.  Recall your own days of exploration, when you were a tiny tot.  Reclaim those skills and notice how big your world grows.

M.C. Richards

M. C. with students (Creativity:Clay, Color, and Word)

As I mentioned yeseterday, M. C. Richards is one of my heroes.  She was ahead of her time, teaching wholeness through her art, her poetry and her presence.  " M. C. taught by witness and inspiration....She gave us seeds that we planted in our souls.  Sometimes these seeds had momentary lives, but often, even after decades of gestation, at the right time, they germinated...fertilized gems."  This quote is from Paulus Berensohn, an artist who worked with her.

I first encountered her story in the  The Fire Within, (a DVD about her life and work) during a Painting Experience retreat at Esalen.  She simply captured my heart with her humor, her wisdom, and her self actualizing approach to art.  She lived her art--- danced with it, questioned it, kissed it, sensed into it, appreciated it and more than anything, saw it as a process of creation and expression, not as an end product.

M.C.  was a poet, potter, teacher and modern day mystic.  She had a childlike sense of wonder, through which her wisdom simply flowed.  She referred to this state as “centering.”  "Within us lives a merciful being," she observes, "who helps us to our feet however many times we fall" (p. 8). "Wisdom is not the product of mental effort," she tells us. Rather, it is a state of "total being, in which capacities for knowledge and for love, for survival and for death, for imagination, inspiration, intuition, for all the fabulous functioning of this human being who we are, come into a center with their forces, come into an experience of meaning that can voice itself as wise action" (p. 15). From Centering in Pottery, Poetry, and the Person by Mary Caroline Richards           ( Wesleyan University Press 1989 )

Here are several of her poems.

Potter

This flat plate. This ladle and bowl.
Clay whirled on a wheel, raised slowly to the table.
Straight and curved, our primal gestures
take and give---speak out about
the way we stand and breathe.
Every leaf is saucer for the bread.
Every falling drop prepares its cup.
Always we are eating and drinking earth's body,
Making her dishes.
Potters like sun and stars
perform their art---
Endowed with myth,
they make the meal holy.

MC Richards

Shining Hands

This hand flickers at my lips,
this hand falls to its knees and bows,
two hands drum time out of silence.
Like flowers they open and close.
Soul flows down my arm, blood-warmth
in my fingers.
O hand at my breast, you teach love.
You guide our spoons into our mouths.
You free an angel from marbled rock.
O heart, our of your deep dark
our hands carry light into this world.

MC Richards